i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
