i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
