So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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