They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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