Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
