"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
