I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
