Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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