Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
