My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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