i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
