If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
