your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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