and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
