Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize