He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
