The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
