i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
