how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
