I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
