Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
