You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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