i think my mom watched the whole time
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize