how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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