no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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