If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
