I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
