No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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