sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I said "one day" and that day is not today
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
