Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
