Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
