I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
