upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
