She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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