So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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