They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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