Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
