i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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