Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
it glows. i had to have it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
