Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
