I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize