The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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