She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
