quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
