I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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