Whats the glycemic index on semen?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
