what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
