and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
And then he peed in my hair
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