I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
