90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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