does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
