I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
