u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
