I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
