maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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