I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
