i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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