careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
