Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
