Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
