Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
