Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
