My room smells like vodka and shame
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
