I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just had sex on a roof
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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