If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
