They should really pass out barf bags in church
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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