I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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