So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize