ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
