so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
