It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
