think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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