as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
