im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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