just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
