No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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